Stanley Gets Physical!
Remember the good old days when the Collector’s Edition of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe was announced? When there were 48 lazy hours until pre-orders opened and we danced carefree in the moonlight of possibility?
Well, as with all things, time has killed those days of innocence stone dead. Now we are in the harsh and unforgiving present moment in which The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe Collector’s Edition is no longer an optimistic glow on the edge of the horizon, but a harsh and unyielding fact of life, available for purchase now until stocks run out.
Let’s be brave and look unflinching into the cold hard reality of what physical goods we have to offer (or just watch the trailer that we linked in the last email, it would really save me a lot of HTML time).
The special cover art for our Collector’s Edition box was made by Fatih Öztürk, and depicts a player using the illegal “noclip” technique to escape the confines of Stanley’s Office. As you can see, there is nothing out in the void aside from a giant floating image of the name of the game (we had to put it somewhere)!
As the saying goes, a Stanley Figurine in the hand is worth two in the bush. Put this “Figley” in your hand and that’s pure value. Suck on that, bush.
Only 1 of these comes in the Ultimate Collector’s Edition, but there are exactly 28 possible to collect in the real The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe… so with a mere 28 Ultimate Collector’s Editions, you can 100% the game IRL.
If you thought the cost of shipping was unreasonable now, imagine how much it would be to include a metal bucket! So we’re passing the savings onto YOU with this Bucket Manual. Raising and training a reassurance bucket is a lot of work and responsibility, but this guide walks you through the process consequence free*.
*freedom from consequence not guaranteed.
Ever wondered how the copy machine in the office was intended to be set up and maintained? So do we! Most of this instructional cassette tape has been recorded over with 40 minutes of skits, new remixes and unheard audio content from the world of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe!
Treat your ears to The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe Soundtrack on 2 records of 12” vinyl! These smooth sounds come on 100% Recycled Black Vinyl with music by The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra, Yiannis Ioannides, Christiaan Bakker, and Tom Schley. They also come with a set of “inspirational” posters.
This one is just for YOU, [name]. You can hear your name, [name], in the game of REAL LIFE, whenever you want, wherever you want. Providing your name is “Jim”.
Just want a physical reminder that we finished the game, it’s out and there’ll never be another delay ever again? Then pick up the Retail Edition, featuring art cards of 3 of our discord community’s top 4 favorite TSP locations (plus one of my own). Pre-order pages in various locations will appear over the following days, keep an eye out!
If you've scrolled this far without clicking, it's pretty clear what you're here for.
Jessica Veronica is Crows Crows Crows’ Niece, due to a series of events we’re still not going to get into right now, she’s been promised a 3 part recurring segment in our newsletter. We negotiated in some kind of reference to Stanley, aside from this we have no editorial control.
This is Part 2, take it away JV!
