A new video game called “The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe” is out Tomorrow.

That’s our game. As the developers, publishers, artists and core shareholders, we have our fingers crossed for a successful release.

However since The Stanley Parable is a game all about surprises, we want to go the extra mile to make it the most spoiler-free and coordinated launch possible.

Introducing:

As future players of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, we’ll all be “in this together”. With this brand new initiative we’ll create an even playing field and provide all our newsletter readers with every skill required to enjoy the game to the fullest. A successful release requires successful players, so we’re counting on you.

After completing the short crash course below, all of you will be certified experts in being comprehensively prepared for the imminent launch of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe (remember that’s happening tomorrow, please do not forget).

Timing.

Here's a backup copy of that countdown timer.

The game is scheduled to release on all platforms at once. In the rare case that one platform should have the game early, we expect you all to abide by the honor code and wait patiently until all other platforms and store fronts have caught up. This way, we can all hit “Play” at the same time. Here at the The “The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe Release Preparedness” Initiative we play fair.

Pricing.

So far, we haven’t said anything about the price of the game. So when are you gonna know what it's gonna cost you?

Here’s the deal: the price will be the same across all platforms, however if you already own the original Stanley Parable on Steam, we want to do what’s right and take your loyalty to the franchise into consideration. We’ll have details on this when the game drops. Now, for the base price…

In our last email, we asked a few selected readers to apply their print-at-home Stanley Parable Pricing Stickers to our Pricing Matrix. We finally got the result back. Our pricing experts made their decision, and that's what the price will be.

Knowledge.

“How do I upgrade my fortified coworkers?”
“Is there a way to cheese the boss on floor 551?”
“Where do I go once I reach the Mountain of Triumph?”

The world of The Stanley Parable is vast and mysterious. Only very few people have a true grasp of the rich lore and its many iceberg layers. That’s not fair.

From the moment the game releases, a team of Proclaimed Stanley Parable Lore Experts will be standing by on Discord for game guidance and assistance.

To access this vault of knowledge, simply join our Discord server and strike up a conversation. Ask your question or share your theory, and sit back with a nice beverage while the wise community elders critique, analyze and debate your every thought.

Caring For Others.

Let’s run through a potential scenario.

So! You’ve sat down, purchased the game on Steam, Nintendo Switch, Playstation and Xbox and you’re gaming your heart away, finally playing The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe that you’ve waited so patiently for!

Wait a minute! You just discovered some “New Content!” - before you submit to the basic human instinct of “content propagation”, repeat this mantra to yourself:

“I must not spoil the game for others! I must not spoil the game for others! I must not spoil the game for others!”

Protect your fellow New Content enjoyers from spoilers by posting these decoy spoilers on your favorite social media platform. This way nobody will know what is a real spoiler and what is simply an organized ruse, thus protecting innocent users from experiencing content in unauthorized ways.

Here’s a helpful chart to get you started:

Streaming and Content Creation.

We appreciate anyone who wants to play our game and show it to their audience. We hereby grant you permission to stream, capture, share, and monetize any parts of the game. It’s only fair. If you need to provide a receipt of our permission, please point at this URL, or get in touch via email.

If you choose to discuss the game’s major story beats and twists, we kindly ask that you include an appropriate spoiler warning and don’t reveal them in your title or thumbnail.

In some spoiler-heavy places, we would prefer that no screenshots are taken or shared. In order to shield other players from spoilers and lower the risk of leakage, we’ve added helpful “No Screenshots” signs all over the game. They look like this.

And yes, the person who took that screenshot is already facing legal action after our DMCA takedown.

Physical version.

We’re a small team and wanted to make absolutely sure that we can deliver the best possible version of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe. No distractions. While we can’t bring you a physical version at launch, we are talking to our partners about setting things in motion right now.

And with that, you are fully prepared for tomorrow’s launch.

Once all readers have confirmed their status by checking the box, we’ll be good to go. Please leave your tab or email open so we can check.

We’re excited to share our new game with you, and with your help we’re pretty sure we can beat Elden Ring to be game of the year.

Big day tomorrow. Please make sure to get some good rest.

Love,
Crows Crows Crows