Dear Faithful CROWS CROWS CROWS Investors.
We want to thank you, [OLD FRIEND], for staying with us during this dark year. We know we’ve not been writing you back and we want to say sorry. But in response to our apology you will quickly say “no no, it’s okay because this innovative product you have developed and brought into my life more than makes up for you leaving me high and dry for these XBox 360 days.”
Without further jokes, we present to you our latest, most profound invention.
EAT is the ultimate disruption of the hierarchical power structure at the heart of society. Those who own the means of production rule the masses. In the cruel world of UNCLE HUNGER, we are truly all slaves…
But with EAT we are passing the power into your hands.
EAT works outside the broken system of NASTY NASTY CAPITALISM. You can download EAT for zero currency on the App Store or Google Play.
EAT is not a game. EAT is so much more than a game. EAT is a food revolution- we expect to receive a formal offer from DELIVEROO in just about 3… 2… 1…
…
Ah, here it is…
subject: EAT OFFER
from: mrmanager@deliveroo.corg
to: hello@crowscrowscrows.com
What’s up my fellow foodster chaps! Mr Manager over at DELIVEROO here.
To get straight to the point- we see what you’re doing and it won’t work. You have constructed a sublime app that provides instant access to food at the touch of a button, effectively completely undercutting us and you expect us to liquidate and offer to buy you out, funding the development of your next smelly smelly video game.
We refuse. What you’re doing is against natural order. I’ve informed my boss, UNCLE HUNGER, and we and the ALLIANCE OF REAL PEOPLE will never allow you to succeed. Stop what you are doing now or face the consequences. People will never understand EAT.
Well, guess our plan failed. You can still get EAT but since we made it free we will have to come up with a new genius plan to FINALLY START MAKING $$$. Give us a week or two and we’ll come back to you with our next MONEY MAKING SCHEME.
Definitely do not watch The Game Awards preshow next week on Thursday,
Crows Crows Crows.
Click here to unsubscribe instantly. (We know it's been a while.)
Get in touch with us via email.We hope you enjoyed this newsletter! If you did, please consider signing up below to receive future emails from Crows Crows Crows.
Take a look at our Email Archive for every newsletter we've sent in the past.
For even more Crows, find us on Twitter, YouTube and Discord! See you in the next email!